One door closes, another opens

What do we do when a path we were on, with verve and passion, suddenly closes the door on us? Shutting out the possibility to pursue? Ending the potential we vividly visualised as achievable, and fulfilling? We get the email that says, “…and we regret saying we are unable to offer you a position at xxxx at this time.” Hopes are dashed. Chances taken away. Doors slammed in our face. Even with all the effort, energy, focus and commitment that went into giving it our best shot, still the outcome is choked.

The stages we go through are fascinating.

IMMEDIATE STRESS RESPONSE

On first finding out as the words blare off the screen, we experience an immediate stress response (physiological reaction caused by the perception we’re facing an aversive or threatening situation). This manifests as a physiological stabbing almost right in the gut, or a wave of nausea running over our skin, or both, or something similar. Our sympathetic (“fight or flight”) nervous system is reacting.

SHOCK

We stare at the words, and cannot believe them. It’s shocking that this is the outcome, especially as our feeling of a positive result had been so strong. We are in limbo. Staring. Processing. Unbelieving. We may stop moving. Like statues, we pose, in absolute shock.

FRUSTRATION / ANGER

We may have the faculty to rise above, and realise it just wasn’t meant to be. That there must be another better, more suited opportunity round the corner. This faculty is not ready to kick in. We are feeling, emotional creatures. We must allow our frustration and anger to find an outlet. In some cases we just sob. Releasing our frustration through crying. (Science confirms crying tears contain a natural painkiller – leucine enkephalin – which may explain why we feel better after a good cry*).

CALM / ACCEPTANCE

Gaining perspective starts to take hold. Their decision is made. The closed door ‘at this time’ is resolutely shut. Nothing we do is going to re-open that particular one. So we calm our emotions, and start to accept the new order. Accepting this is the toughest part, and may not assuage our feelings of rejection. Not right away. Still we know it is senseless to cry for too long over spilled milk or chase a bus that’s left without us.

OPEN NEW DOORS

In the wake of approaching acceptance, we need to stop staring at the closed door, and walk away from it. The best way to do this is to change environment. Go somewhere different, new, interesting. Be amongst people who enliven the space we’re in. Shake off the closed door energy. It’s good to pick something close to our heart.

As it turns out, the Wellcome Collection was running a number of Bodies in Balance free drop in events on Saturday 16 January, 2016. This is where I went be be amongst people who’d enliven the space I was in. I landed on a couch, waiting for a Tibetan Yantra Yoga talk and demonstration to begin. By ‘chance’ someone asked if the spot next to me was free. Within minutes a lively conversation was struck up. Both of us were there to put closed doors behind us. It transpired my skill set and experience as a mentor was of particular interest to my newfound Bodies in Balance friend. We’re meeting next week to talk more about how I might help.

One door closes, another opens. Make sure you get out there to notice the doors opening. There are plenty of them.

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*  http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/why-do-we-cry-the-science-of-tears-9741287.html

 © Amanda Yensa Manor 2016

 

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